Friday, March 16, 2007

Civil War vs. Civil War

Which was worse: Civil War, the 1991 Guns N' Roses song? Or Civil War, the 2006-07 seven-issue miniseries from Marvel?

Here's the Tale of the Tape:

Worst line:
Guns N' Roses song: 'Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway'
Marvel miniseries: 'Oh God. Tell me that isn't Cloak!'
Winner (er, loser): Guns N' Roses song

Biggest Mischaracterization:
Guns N' Roses song: Warren Axl Rose as a peace-lovin' hippie
Marvel miniseries: Captain America as an out-of-touch old coot who apparently hates NASCAR and computers
Winner (er, loser): Marvel miniseries

Delayed because of…..
Guns N' Roses song: Drug addictions
Marvel miniseries: Deadline adversions
Winner (er, loser): Marvel miniseries

Best Part:
Guns N' Roses song: Uh….nothing really
Marvel miniseries: Ditto
Winner (er, loser): Tie

It’s Better Than:
Guns N' Roses song: Patience
Marvel miniseries: Secret Wars II
Winner (er, loser): Guns N’ Roses song

It’s Not Better Than:
Guns N’ Roses song: November Rain
Marvel miniseries: Infinity Crusade
Winner (er, loser): Guns N’ Roses song

Intangible:
Guns N’ Roses song: Axl was charged with inciting a riot during a show outside St. Louis on the Use Your Illusion tour
Marvel miniseries: Clor blew a hole through Goliath
Winner (er, loser): Marvel miniseries (but just barely. That Clor....what a scamp!)

Final verdict: Hey, it’s a tie! They both suck. On one hand, the Marvel miniseries has a slight advantage because Chinese Democracy has taken slightly longer to ship than Civil War 7. On the other hand, Use Your Illusion did have a much tighter continuity than Civil War.

1 comment:

Wilbur Day said...

How DARE you impugn a song that samples from Cool Hand Luke? COOL HAND LUKE, man.