Monday, March 19, 2007

Hulk smash puny Power Pack

At the risk of covering too much Hulk ground too soon (as if there is such a thing), I admit that even though I won't be reading Hulk & Power Pack, I'm kind of intrigued by it.

I can only hope this is all just pretext for secretly pulling a bait and switch on this ostebsibly family title and tying it into World War Hulk by issue three.

Look, Reed voted to shoot the Hulk into space, so the Hulk gets to snap Franklin's fucking little neck. And then wipe out his friends for good measure. That's only fair.

Which I hope will then lead us to an epic Marvel miniseries exploring the five stages of grief. That's right. Fallen Son: Power Pack.

INT: The Sanctom Sanctorum of Stephen Strange.

Panel one: Dr. Strange sits in an overstuffed leather, stiff-back chair. The Eye of Agammoto and Cloak of Levitation hover in the corner. A marble ashtray on a stand holds a pipe sitting next to the chair. A book is open in his lap.

Panel two: (OP) Master?

Panel three: Dr. Strange looks up.

STRANGE: Enter, Wong.

Panel four: Wong bows, deferential.

WONG: Master, I come bearing grave news.

STRANGE: What is it, my faithful manservent?

WONG: There has been a terrible tragedy. Blood has been spilled.

STRANGE: By the Ancient One!

Panel five: Wong sheds a tear.

WONG: I'm afraid it's true.

STRANGE: Who? Vishanti's Scrotum, man! Tell me who! Was it Clea? Oh, Wong, tell me it wasn't my dearest love, Clea.

WONG: No, Watoomb be praised, it wasn't Clea.

STRANGE: Not my close friend Namor, then?

WONG: No, the mighty Atlantean is safe in body and soul.

STRANGE: Oh. Was it The Black Knight?


STRANGE: Hank Pym?


STRANGE: The mutant, there. The short one.

WONG: Puck? Nope.

STRANGE: Uhm. Dr. Druid?

WONG: No, he's been dead like 10 years. Son of Satan put him down. You made me order Dom Perignon and cigars to celebrate, remember?

STRANGE: Oh, right, right. Was it Moondragon then?

WONG: *snort* I wish.

STRANGE: Who then? I beg you, tell me who!

WONG: It was, tragically, Zero-G, Lightspeed, Mass Master, Engergizer and Tattletale.

Panel six: Dr. Strange looks blithely at Wong.


Panel seven: Dr. Strange raises an eyebrow

STRANGE: The Power Pack?

WONG: It is my sad duty to bring this news to you.

STRANGE: You bothered me for the fucking POWER PACK?

WONG: Master, I thought you should --

STRANGE: Get the FUCK out of here, Wong! Go get me some motherFUCKING tea, before I shove a Crimson Band of Cyttorak up your MOTHERFUCKING ass.

Aaaaaand end scene.

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